Bad Mama

Where I attempt to explain
August 27, 2009, 12:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve been wanting to post here for a while now, but have been stuck for what to say. Not because nothing has gone on, oh no. But how to explain it, mostly, has been the sticking point.

Big Daddy and I have been having some problems with our relationship, and we’ve had some big financial issues as well. We are, well, sort of seperated. It was hard to write when I felt like there was so little that was positive going on.

The reasons for the seperation aren’t really important, except to say it isn’t because he’s some giant asshole. I still love him more than any man in the world, and we want to make things work out. It’s just going to take a while, if it works at all. I’ve been feeling so tremendously guilty about this. If I am willing to die for my children, why can’t I manage to simply get along with their father so that they have an intact family? I know it’s not that simple, but it seems like two people who love each other and want to be together ought to be able to get it together and do just that. Peanut tells us we just need to get along. “Just stop fighting” is her advice.

Outside of this, we are doing well. Peanut is starting Kindergarten next week, and is very excited. She has met some of the other kids that will be in her class, and the girls like princesses as much as she does, so she’s raring to go. Squirt is thriving. She loves to dance, can count to ten, and is learning her letters. She still prefers to sleep with a book over a stuffed animal most of the time. The girls adore each other 98% of the time, and are a treat to watch. When I get some photos uploaded, I will post them. Because that’s what everyone is here for, right?

I don’t know what direction this blog will take now. I don’t feel like airing my marital dirty laundry to the world, but that’s kind of what my life is about now. It feels odd to not share something that is affecting us so dramatically. But I also feel like I need to write again, that I need to have this kind of connection to the world. I haven’t been reading blogs or being social for a while now, so it feels a little creaky to get back into it. So we’ll see what we shall see.

Anyway, Hi!

4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’m so glad you’re back! I’m sorry things have been hard, though. I’m thinking of you. Email if you want some off-line venting space.

Comment by Pronoia

I had sort of given up on your blog, meaning every time I checked for months there was nothing new and I figured you had stopped blogging and then out of the blue I check in and BAM! You are back with major major things going on.

I am so sorry things have been crappy. There really have been a lot of things going on for you and I give you major props for keeping it together as well as you have for your kids.

Like Pronoia, I’m thinking of you and if you want to vent off line, I am here for you!

Comment by Meredith

a) yay you’re back you’re back!

b) well, that sucks.

i have been divorced once, and the thing that i wish i had done that i didn’t do was more couples therapy sooner. i’m not sure it would have changed the outcome, but i think it might have made things smoother, no matter what the outcome ended up being. i suspect you’ve already thought of this, being smart and all, though.

Comment by betsyl

Oh no! I, too, hadn’t checked in in a while and am distressed to read that all is not well with your marriage. I hope that you are able to work things out as painlessly as possible, whatever the outcome.

Comment by elizasmom

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