Bad Mama

The Birth Control Post
July 19, 2008, 8:28 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Yesterday, I was busy doing something (surviving?) when I hear Peanut call out, “Mama, there’s cat poop on the floor!” Now, she often thinks hairballs are cat poop so as I got up to get a paper towel I said, “No, honey, it’s not cat poop.”

“Then is it dog poop?”

No, as a matter of fact. It was baby poop. Squirt had managed to pull her diaper half off, and there was a fairly large ball of poop just sitting there on the floor. About three inches from her hands.

I managed to turn her around and get her headed for the cat food dish instead while I cleaned it up when the diaper came all the way off as she scooted across the floor in her army crawl, trailing bits of poop. Then she started to pee.

And the beer Big Daddy brought home last night was not the kind that I liked. Bastard. He did buy some (Spotted Cow)! He just didn’t tell me, and all I saw was his nasty wheat beer.

Also, while playing dress-up last week Peanut announced  that we were going hunting. Why? I asked. Well, for fur, she replied. When I picked myself up off the floor I mentioned that I really didn’t think it was okay to hunt animals just for their fur, and she replied, “But I want a fur coat!”

You see, all children will find ways to rebel against their parents. My child will not have tatoos and weird hair and interesting sexual partners, she will become a Christian fundamentalist who joins a country club and has exotic animal heads mounted in the “game room” of her McMansion, which was built on formerly protected wetlands. And owns a snow-leopard fur coat and a Hummer. And votes Liberatarian.

Squirt is currently under the desk waving the cord for the lamp. Since her next step is to start chewing on it (apparently they taste like Cheerios), I must go and Parent now.

1 Comment so far
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Oh my damn. I guffawed. Babies and poop. It just doesn’t get any better. I blogged about it tonight.

Comment by Chrystal

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